Edward Hancock II
The Imperfect Blog
|Posted by EHancock2 on June 26, 2013 at 2:15 PM|
My future wife-
It feels weird to be writing a letter to a woman that, as of today, exists only in my hopes and dreams. Alas, here I sit. I can't explain it. I just know I've had this "need" in my heart for several days. A need to write to you and say that, while I'm not ready yet, I'm working on me. I'm preparing myself for you.
You wouldn't believe the hell I've been through. I'll tell you all about it when we meet. No sense in trying to lay it all out here. Besides, I'm certain you'll have tons to tell me yourself.
I have to tell you something. I don't know you yet. I can not see your face. I can't feel your skin. I can't hear your voice. I cannot smell your perfume. Yet, somehow I already love you.
No, don't panic. What I mean, I think, is that I'm already in love with the idea of you. It's funny, really. In my last blog, I questioned whether or not I would ever love again. Maybe I still won't. Maybe this very letter I am writing is a complete waste. As with so many things in life, it's a matter of faith. I haven't seen you, but something in me is convinced you're out there. I don't know you, but something tells me we've already met. At some undetermined point in our futures, our paths will cross. You may even hate me when we first meet. That would give us something to laugh about later, wouldn't it?
Even as I type that, I can't help but flip the coin. HAVE we already met? Did our moment pass us by? Were you the busy waitress who wanted to talk to me, but had six other tables under your charge? Were you the lady in the fruit and vegetable section of Walmart who watched from a distance as I flirted with the employee there? Were you someone who walked up to my table at a book signing and were too shy to say anything to the "famous" author? (Yeah, I nearly choke even typing that last one! LOL)
The possibilites are endless, no matter the case. Perhaps you'll be at my table at a future signing. Perhaps you'll see me writing on my laptop in McAlister's Deli one day and find yourself too curious to control yourself. Maybe you'll be the person to sell me my next car. Who knows?
What I do know is what I've already said. I absolutely adore the idea of you. Will I be disappointed if I reach my last day and you haven't arrived? Well, maybe a little. But, I promise you this. If I leave this world without having found you, I will find you in Heaven. So, you better behave. If you don't wind up there, I'm going to be very mad at you.
Don't worry. You'll find that cute one day. Because I won't be able to stay mad at you for long. You'll know the magic word. You'll know the right button to push. I won't ever tell you. Somehow, you'll just know. You will know when to hug me and when to just leave me alone for a little while. You'll know. I don't know how you'll know, but you'll know. You won't always know what I'm thinking. You're not a mindreader and I'll never ask you to be. But, somehow, you'll always know the right thing to do or say.
I'll go ahead and warn you now, I'm not afraid to cry. I'm not a blubbering mess that cries at stop signs, but I have emotions and I use them.
What's your favorite color? This will be among the first questions I ask you. I don't know why I ask this. But I always do. I hope it's not green, but don't worry if it is. It's not a deal breaker.
Yeah, you can roll your eyes at my silliness. Just don't do it too often. I'm silly a whole lot. Roll your eyes too often and they'll stick that way. That's what my mom says anyway.
Oh yeah. That reminds me. I have a close relationship with my mother. I am not obsessed with my mother and she doesn't interfere in my life in an unwanted way. Neither does she involve herself in my relationship choices unless asked. Even then, she seems to tread carefully. If my past relationships are any indication, you'd be wise to make a friend of her. She'll help you see through the walls I put up and the things I try to hide, even from some of my nearest and dearest. She'll be able to give you insight few people can.
I want to go to church with you. I want to pray with you. I want to walk in God with you. If you have children, they and God should be above me most of the time. I understand we all can have our needy moments. But priorities are what they are. Yours should put God and any children above me.
In my past relationship, I raised a son that was not mine. He was four when we got together. Just as I'm writing this on faith, I faithfully pray and believe he will someday come back into my life. He is not my blood. But he is, and will always be, my son. Should he come back in my life, please love him as your own. I have no doubt he'll need it.
I'll probably write more later. I just wanted to introduce myself and tell you that I am looking forward to meeting you one day. I already smile at memories we have yet to make. That probably qualifies me as silly. But, just you wait. One day, you'll be smiling too.
I won't make you any false promises. We'll argue. We'll debate. We'll disagree. But, I won't let go if you won't. That much, I offer you.
So, I'll see ya around, one of these days. In the meantime, I've got to get back to working on me. Gotta make sure I'm worthy of you!
Have a great day,